Dear Mac. I really can’t thank you enough. Every time you scale another peak I feel that you cannot possibly go any higher, yet each time you manage to exceed yourself yet again. I am lost in admiration. I like how your MacBook Pro fries my testicles, especially, how the power adaptor gets so hot it almost melts, how my computer sounds like it is having a fan breakdown the entire time, how my iPhoto suddenly decides that I am not entitled to write to the folder and shuts me out…while containing all the project photos for the entire year that I now can’t retrieve. I love how you repeatedly tell me the startup disc is full then won’t allow me to empty the drive onto an external drive because… did you guess yet…the startup disc is full. I like how the thing is so slow that I can write for 45 seconds before a single letter appearing on screen, then they all appear in a rush…yet when I run a diagnostic the memory and the storage are perfectly within normal limits. I like how the fact that iPhoto doesn’t like one photo in the eight hundred or so I download to it from my phone, it will refuse to copy across any of them at all, forcing me to do it manually…but bizarrely it then has no problem with any of the individual photos at all. I like how I am currently trying to write a report for the Peruvian Culture Ministry, and it refuses to turn on. No really. It gets as far as the signin screen and then just goes white screen. All my presentations and documents and photos are beyond my reach. And no measure of restarting or forcing quit makes any difference. And this is my career we are talking about. It’s the most important presentation I have ever prepared. And there is nothing I can do, having crowed to all my colleagues about how reliable Macs are. And they are plodding away on ancient PCs which work no matter what, and I sit here surrounded by MacRubbish and can’t do anything at all. Talking of iPhoto…I am still smarting from last year when I downloaded a thousand of the best photos I have ever taken of the Highlands of Peru, it said they had been transferred, and then - when I had cleared the SD card - they were in fact not there. So were lost forever. And of course in order to be a member of the Mac club is so reasonable. Your computers cost four times as much as comparable PCs and your software costs five times as much as any similar PC-ware. Mac ownership is now no longer as rare as it was - the justification you originally used to explain high software costs - and yet has there been a reduction in your prices? I feel not, somehow. And don’t get me started on the Mac updates that you insist on me getting for my iPhone so that it makes it incredibly slow, fills the memory and forces me - surprise surprise - to get rid of it and buy a new iphone which is, of course, four times as much money as anything comparable. And as for my iPad? Well, it couldn’t find a Bluetooth device it was actually sitting on with full engaged Bluetooth and full WiFi coverage. It’s all terribly impressive. I seem to have acquired the three most expensive paperweights in the history of computing. Maybe just go back to carrier pigeons and writing letters?